Contrarian opinion: It’s important to ask your date what they do for work.
Before you rip my head off and bombard me with caustic suggestions like “She’s so shallow” and “As long as they’re cute, that’s all that matters” (loud night breathing!), I have a great reason why.
You see, I went on my last date, which turned out to be a total disaster! Why? His work should have been the main signal that the problems were not going to work out.
It all started on a crisp Sunday afternoon when I ventured out with the women for a vino and a laugh. One of my friends accidentally put her finger on the shell of a spiked oyster, and the person from the desk ran to the bar after us and demanded a bandage. This prince charming got here with hard surgery again and saved the day.
It was all very interesting and before I knew it we were chatting. We exchanged numbers and agreed on a date.
“It may seem superficial and a little judgmental, but I’m telling you, what matters is what the date does for a living,” says Jana.
He informed me that he had a vegan cafe and invited me to a vegan feast. I assumed it was strange and might be enjoyable. Spoiler alert: it wasn’t pleasant.
As we chatted over an amazingly delicious lentil Bolognese, it soon became clear that he wasn’t just a casual vegan, he was a die-hard vegan. As it was, he would come to the farms and steal the chickens, let the cows out of the pasture, and mistreat the farmers. Yes.
I couldn’t help it; I finally told him that my mother and father had a herd of cattle (true story) and if he had shown up on our farm I would have gone rogue. It’s safe to say the date ended with me snapping and additionally blocking him on all social accounts.
Now, you can probably just brush it off and say that this was just one instance where his work was a positive signal that the connection wasn’t going to work under any circumstances. But it left my memory of a date I had a year ago.
We met on a dating app and had a nice chat about life, love and all that stuff as we talked about our favorite podcasts. I stated that I preferred Call Her Daddy, and this person revealed that it can be terrifying to walk out on someone, just like host Alexandra, who spoke openly about intercourse in all its glory.
“Think about it…how much time do you spend talking to your partner about your day? Quite a bit anyway! At least you want to hear something that interests you,” she said
He looked horrified and said he would never date someone who was so casual and “bedroom-themed”, saying “girls have to keep it classy”. Oh dear.
It was as if I had stepped back in time. As someone who thinks love lives on only through open and honest dialogue about intercourse, this was a pink flag. He was clearly a failure to me in terms of his work as a preacher. I used to take too much pleasure in showing him some of my writings.
Again, the truth about what we each do for our jobs has probably saved us a lot of time and effort.
I had another good friend on a date with an ‘entrepreneur’ #redflag.
She thought that meant he had several companies and might be a tech genius. No, it was just a code phrase for the lazy and unemployed. That’s why I believe we should always put extra weight into asking future love prospects what they’re doing for housing.
This might seem superficial and highly judgmental, but I’m telling you, it actually causes problems. Think about it… how much time do you spend talking to your partner about your day? Quite a lot anyway! In any case, you need to hear one thing that interests you.
Someone with an artistic job similar to a musician would likely struggle to find engaging dialogue with someone who is extremely methodical, similar to a computer programmer. I’m not saying one is exciting and the other is boring, but they really don’t match when it comes to curiosity.
So with that in mind, below are the roles that would be a huge no-no for me.
“I like my men to be a little eccentric,” says Jana, who is drawn to artistic breeds like actors.
First, they would be shocked at how I calculate my bills and manage my finances (I don’t!) and second, I get the pleasure of talking to my partner about their day. I need to hear about the drama, the theater, their exciting encounters. Numbers are just not my thing.
Medical talk puts me to sleep, and I say that because I like having two family members who work as part of a career. All those extra long phrases and technical phrases. I’m not going to keep up with you, and to be honest, I don’t need to.
While I would kill to have their organizational expertise, I’m afraid my chaotic life would make them a little nervous. My house is eclectic, there is no order, I prefer planning and I make grocery lists. I’m afraid that we got not much widespread.
Below are the roles that may mark my field (metaphorically and technically nods).
“Anyone who can whip up a masterpiece with their own hands, which is a joy for all the senses, fascinates me,” says Jana about cooks.
I like my males a little eccentric. Do you want to get in the car and drive to Byron Bay tonight? Damn sure! Want to go back and see me play a serial killer? Oh positive.
Doctors or nurses
Now that’s a career I can listen to tales about all day! Tell me who was in the emergency room at this point. Yes, I need to hear about the worst damage you’ve ever seen. Let’s order another bottle of wine and you might get my full attention as a result.
Obviously not vegan (triggered though), but anyone who can whip up a masterpiece with their fingers that can delight all the senses fascinates me. Especially when you consider that I don’t have the stamina or experience to build one thing that doesn’t mean you just take it out of the field and pop it in the microwave. I like to watch people in the kitchen. Nothing sexier.
So my type is definitely someone who is super eclectic and artistic. This would make a person who is agentic, methodical and orderly a bit tiresome.
I am not for him and he is not for me.
So asking someone what they do around the house is a nice little way to determine what they’re interested in. A simple technique to avoid wasting each other’s time and pockets.